Tuesday, March 27, 2012

“Under stressful times I will be especially careful in the way I talk to Chief”....

So, the last few weeks have been packed with enormous amounts of stress for me. I used to be able to handle stress pretty well, but now when things get stressful, I have horrible anxiety attacks. I worry, I cry, I stress, I get flustered, overwhelmed and irritated.

You see the problem is, I am a woman… meaning I am emotional. I handle stress with crying, desperation, sadness, panic and hopelessness. I tend to focus on the negative aspects of the situation and how horrible and overwhelming it is making my life rather than the solution or the cause.

That is where Chief comes in. He is the exact opposite of me when it comes to handling stress. He is a solver, a fixer, a thinker (no wonder he is a math geek :P) so his approach is to figure out what caused the problem, and focus on a way to change it. He remains calm, logical, and positive. He patiently listens to my cries, rants, and fits of frustration before offering his help in the matter by explaining what I should do to improve it. And if there isn’t a solution, he will still be there to comfort, console, hug and try to calm me down, encouraging me to take it to God and pray about it.

What I NEED to do in these chaotic times is to stop, breathe, pray and listen to my wise and supportive Chief. He is always on my side in that he is ALWAYS trying to help me and offer the support I need, whatever that may be.

But do I do this???

NO, not usually and I am not proud of that. Instead, I am so wrapped up in the overwhelming emotions that I don’t see that he is trying to help and I just snap at him. Those who know me know that I am a sassy girl to begin with and more than that, I am stubborn, and I mean STUBBORN. So even if I hear what Chief has to say, if it goes against what I think is the right thing to do or it is something I don’t want to do, then chances are I will get defensive and open my mouth, and not to say the words “you are right Sir” or “thank you”.

You see, I have this awful habit of speaking before I think, and when you mix that with my stubbornness and frazzled nerves, the outcome isn’t pretty. It usually ends in me saying something I will regret, yelling at Chief and treating him with disrespect. I don’t do it on purpose, but it is a pattern that occurs way too often.

Now Chief is a very, and I mean very patient and tolerable man, especially when I am under enormous amounts of stress. However, even a patient man will eventually reach his limit and when that happens, when I finally cross that line after several warnings, he brings the hammer down hard. (Actually hammer isn’t the right word, it is more like hand, paddle, belt, etc… but you get the picture)

Well, he finally had enough a few days ago and I found myself once again, over his knee, kicking and crying as he paddled my bottom with the sassy spoon (this wicked wooden spoon specifically designated for taming my tongue). But that was not all he did…he also gave me lines to write.


(A drawing that Chief did to logolize the darn wooden spoon, I hate the implement, but i gotta say that the little customized logo is pretty cool LOL)

I hate lines. They are not hard to do, but I just hate them. They are time consuming and make my hand hurt. But more than that, they force me to constantly think about what I did and reflect on my actions for every sentence I write. It is like a painful little jab each time I finish one, knowing I have so many more to go Being a stubborn girl, I hate to be constantly reminded of my mistake and would much rather just take a spanking and be done with it. This is also why, unfortunately for me, lines work pretty well usually, especially when accompanied with a spanking.

So here I sat, on a sore bottom and wrote “Under stressful times I will be especially careful in the way I talk to Chief” 195 times. Now I know most of you are saying, 195? Why not make it an even 200? The thing is, I have OCD and everything I do must me in a multiple of three, which even goes with punishments (i.e…number of swats, lines, or minutes etc…). And actually, because I didn’t plan these lines out right, I was left with the last page only having 3 lines, and since that didn’t look right, I ended up doing 207 lines instead. No, I am not an over-achiever in this or trying to brown-nose. I just have issues LOL

Anyways, the lines are done, my bottom is still sore but I know I have been forgiven. I hope that the combination of this was enough to finally get through to me to appreciate and respect Chief when he is just trying to help me during difficult times and not to snap at him with attitude. Once again, I am sorry Sir and thank you.


~cas[C]  

Sunday, March 25, 2012

Location, Location, Location

In real estate there is a slogan about the impact of a property sale, “Location, Location, Location.” Well the same is true about behavior. Just like in property, two houses may be the exactly same but the location makes all the difference in cost.

Now cas can get this wild streak in her and when that happens, her behavior gets a bit sassy and she does not listen; stubbornness just flows out of her like a fountain. You can be rest assured I get her back in step quickly when I feel it has gone to far.

But occasionally, (and this is a rare occasion) she will get this wild streak in public. This public behavior increases the consequence of her actions because of "Location, Location, Location"  This behavior is met with a stiffer punishment because of her representing me and because I am mortified with her behavior. Some times she will do this behavior and then realizing that I can not do anything about the behavior will then challenge me by flashing me a look, as if to say, "you can't do anything here, ha ha". Boy does that make my blood boil. 

This last week cas had an melt down in public and again I was pretty livid. I am glad I didn't have the opportunity to take care of it until the next day. This offered me time to cool down so I wouldn't paddle her out of anger. But she did pay more than if she had had that same behavior in private. My hand got quite a workout as she lay draped over my lap, as well as this small OTK cane we have. I trust this one be the last time, but I hope the time she spent over my lap sinks in a bit more than other punishments and she thinks twice before behaving like this in public where her actions both embarrass and reflect on me. 

Chief [c]

Saturday, March 24, 2012

Love verses frustration

What I am about to type is stereotype but like most stereotypes they are based on some truth. All men think about is sex, all women like to shop for shoes and clothes. They are not 100 percent true but I am willing to bet that the majority of those two stereotypes are true. With that being said, please don’t beat me up for the following post.


Women are emotional creatures and follow their heart and men think logically  and try to rationalize it and come up with solutions based on the logic behind it (cas and I are pretty close to that template of men and women). Both have their place and both are necessary in different situations. For example: Giving money to a person who needs it, with a strong possibility of it never being repaid would not be a logical thing to do. However, the emotional thing might be right and following your heart in that situation would more than likely be following a Christ like situation in helping meet others needs physically.  


Now cas makes a lot decisions based on emotions and at times it drives me a bit crazy. I try to logically think of things to a logical solution. Now in our relationship I have 51% of the vote and although I cherish her input, I still have the final say (Sometimes that input is harder to listen to when she whines and pleads).


This last week really felt like she took my ideas, tossed them aside and just ran with her own, and the results were disastrous. I know she understands that I want nothing more than her safety and wellbeing, but this week’s results ended with her safety and wellbeing being in jeopardy.  I tell her what to do logically and she thinks her way is better. The results were that she got hurt, almost had her laptop stolen, and lost a lot of money.  So after a talking to (lecture) and some correction (punishment) I believe she and I are on the same wavelength. I pray this will not happen again. 

Chief [c]

TGIOver... (Last Saturday)

I got my laptop back today and I am sooooooooooooo glad this week is over, but there has been some blessings intertwined in the week as well. I got a job for one, something I desperately needed for more income. My laptop was not in the case, so that was saved. The man could have beaten me more, raped me or had a gun. The elderly couple that was so comforting and nice. I am thanking God in the storm and praising him. So many things could have gone worse and I am still here and with only minor injuries. This week has been trying to say the least but it has taught me several things… 1. Listen to Chief, he knows what he is doing and what he tells me is always with my best interest in mind. 2. Don’t put off things because when you eventually really need them, that is when you will not have them. 3. Plan accordingly and make sure I know the exact bus route if I ever have to again. 4. Pay more attention at dark, carry pepper spray and actually just don’t ride at night would be the best thing. And 5, don’t get so worked up, worried and stressed over little things because in the end with faith, God will work it out. I need to let go and let God more often and trust him more completely. He has never failed me yet and I am sure he never will. I need to be more thankful for what I have and know that I will be taken care of. So thank you God for taking me under your wing and keeping me safe this week.

I also want to thank my amazing Dom, for without him I would not have gotten through this week either. And despite my emotional outbursts, my anxiety attacks, my sassy stressed comebacks, and my stubborn pride, he still loves me and has my back always…even if it also comes with a price to pay on my backside as well. Thank you Babe and I love you.

~cas[C] 

Friday, March 23, 2012

Hurry up and wait… (Last Friday)

Today I woke up and spent most of the morning on the phone with detectives, friends, family, VA doctors and of course my wonderful Dom, who would have done anything to be able to drive down to me but couldn’t. The VA found out that I hadn’t had a CT scan done on my head and ordered an ambulance out to bring me there. All I had for pain was two Tylenol in the morning; I was in pain and had expected them to give me some pain pills when I first got there at 2pm but they didn’t. Instead I waited until 7 before x-rays and CT scan were done on my head and jaw, in which case they still couldn’t give me pain pills until the CT results came back showing I wasn’t bleeding. I was in tears I was in so much pain, so this wonderful older couple sat down beside me to comfort me; they reminded me of my grandparents. He insisted on buying me a Mt Dew and then tried several times to give me $20 which I politely refused at least 5 times. However, when I looked in my pursed for something shortly after they had left, I saw he had slipped it in there, sneaky old man; which I am thankful for because even though my stubborn self wouldn’t take it, I really did need it. Finally at 9 I was given some pain medication and around 11 I leave. They call me and pay for a cab to take me and I am home around midnight. Thankfully, there is no bleeding and my jaw isn’t broken; my face is just badly swollen and bruised.

~cas[C]

Just another day in paradise… or not… (last Thursday)

So yesterday started off a great and well, as the day went on, it just sort of fell apart to be honest. First thing on the agenda was going to fill out new hire paperwork at my new job, which is super exciting. Because I had fallen and really hurt my knee the night before and I knew I would have to take the bus there and walk over .5 a mile to the office and even with a brace, I was not up for that so I opted to order a cab, a cab that cost me $30 dollars I so don’t have actually. (I know you are just know finding out about the cab ride Sir but I ask that you forgive me for not discussing it first) The paperwork goes great and my new boss even was able to give me a ride back. Once I am home, I get on Skype with Chief and just as we are in the middle of a very serious and un-enjoyable yet needed “discussion” over procrastination, my computer decided that it is going to stop charging and of course the battery is about to die. I turn it off and get on the phone with him, distraught and upset. We figure out a plan for me to take the bus to drop my laptop off at this computer shop. My knee is killing me but the brace is sort of hurting so I make another decision without discussing it first and choose to only bring the cane. (one more thing you are just now finding out about and would have probably changed the outcome of the evening, so again please forgive me) It takes forever to get there, the bus driver didn't stop where I needed him to and I ended up having to walk quite a ways. I find out it will cost me $90 to fix but I leave the computer there and start my journey home, my patience nearing an end. There is even more painful walking and some snippy words on my part said to Chief over the phone as I am trying to find the bus stop I need to be at. I assume since I came on the 550 that it’s the bus I need to go home so I get on it and unfortunately for me it wasn't the right bus. This nice lady helped me and told me to get off at this one transit center and get on this other bus to take me to this other transit center to catch the bus I need. I am at the first stop and my anxiety level (thanks to PTSD) is at a high and I notice some people smoking near me. I recently quit smoking back in November, but at that moment I didn't care, I bummed one and enjoyed it immensely and at the same time hated it. I only made it through half, but instead of throwing it away, I tucked it in a safe spot in the laptop case for later. I catch the right bus, go to the next transfer center and get on the right bus finally. By this time it is getting pretty late but I was almost home and I text Chief letting him know I will be there shortly. Well I was still talking to a fellow Wisconsinite that I met at the transfer center as my stop came and since I didn't pull the string, he never stopped and I had to ride that bus another 40 minutes until it circled and came back to the stop near my place. My phone was dead, my knee was hurting, and I was not in the best of moods but I was trying to stay positive, as I was only like a 15-20 minute walk with my cane home (normally only 3-5 mins) not 5 minutes after the bus left, a man came up behind me and grabbed my laptop case assuming I was an easy target. As he grabbed that I swung around and hit him with my cane, he punched me in the head, I punched him in the nose (hoping I broke it) and he then punched me in the jaw, making me lose my balance and fall, once again re-injuring my knee. Once he found that my laptop case was empty he threw it and ran. 30 minutes I lay on the ground crying, and another 40 minutes to hobble home. The cops came, ambulance came and I was taken to the closest ER where they x-rayed my knee and found no breaks, just fluid in my joints and some pulled and torn tendons and fixed me up with a splint-brace that goes from my top thigh to my ankle. I finally got home at 3am, swollen, hurting and tired; I crashed.

~cas[C]

Tuesday, March 20, 2012

The morning after... (last Tuesday)

I woke up humble and repentant. I knew I had a horrible spanking coming but I was at peace with it, still worried of course but knew that I needed it and that I would submit to it without my usual fight. However, when the time came to pay the piper, I still had to beg a little, I mean I am not just going to bend over so he can blister my bottom with that Satan crafted bathbrush. I swear that Wal-Mart should be sued for selling something so evil and capable of causing damage to innocent and angelic bottoms.

Well my pleading didn’t work and soon I was bent over my bed as that wicked piece of wood reigned merciless on my poor throbbing behind. It was relentless and the pain was and still is intense. I cried (not as bad as last night) and pleaded some more, but still it continued. In the end, I was left with two shining red orbs with the beginning of small bruises, but that was ok, because now it really was over. I was truly forgiven, he forgave me before I know, but now I forgave myself, at least for the disappointment and disrespect I caused him.

I am laying on my tummy on my comfy bed as I type this because sitting is not something I am quite ready to tackle yet, I will get to that later…as in tomorrow maybe, as tonight I will most likely be on my tummy as well. But like last night when I went to sleep humble and repentant, tonight I will go to sleep reassured and forgiven



~cas[C]

Monday, March 19, 2012

I screwed up… (last Monday)

I’m sorry. It’s as simple as that. No excuses, no comebacks, no whining, just I’m sorry.

Today was a mess, a total mess, and it was ALL my fault. It all stemmed from me not listening to Chief and procrastinating like I have this horrible habit of doing. Well, all that and the combination of me not getting a minute of sleep, which for those of you who do not know… no sleep ends up with a cranky, stubborn, emotional, unfocused, irritable and sassy cas.

The morning started with me being grumpy from lack of sleep and snapping at Chief a few times too many, then on my way to the VA I was speeding, which of course is a big no-no, so I was in trouble for that as well. Then after my doctor’s appointment, my car broke down, which should be no surprise because it has been touch and go every time I get in it. I should have gotten it checked out WAY before now, but I am stubborn and well…usually put things off until I have no other choice. I was snappy, hot, and agitated while I sat in the VA hospital parking lot freaking out and getting way to emotional and ended up treating Chief once again with attitude and disrespect, especially when yelling at him and making him feel helpless because he could not be there for me and there was nothing he could do about the situation, which of course was all my fault in the first place.

I was able to get a tow truck to take me to this one car shop, which after talking to the guys there; I chose to go somewhere else. But then we had to get a hold of my insurance to get approval to go there which took over an hour. In the meantime, my phone was dying because I had to use it and of course forgot the charger. Luckily the nice tow truck guy let me use his charger, but I also found out that he was not getting paid for that hour and 20 minutes we had to sit in-between tows… again my fault.

Chief was supposed to be working on an important project but because I needed him for interpretation and support, he lost a whole day of that… my fault there too (do you see a pattern here?) I had to call my dad several times at work which could have gotten him in trouble which was… wait for it…my fault. Then there was the dilemma of getting me home. The bus is a great option as most would say, and I would agree that is a wonderful idea, but because of numerous days of procrastination and not listening to Chief when he told me BEFORE the start of the month to buy a bus pass because my car was unreliable; it was the middle of the month and of course I did not have a bus pass yet, yet again… my fault (ok, this pattern really needs breaking)

I finally get home 5 hours later than I should have, due to a nice tow truck driver and another nice family who picked me up walking; which is a blessing from God because I was wearing these horrible crocs I am not allowed to wear for walking because they offer no support for my weak ankles and my bad knee and if not for them, I know with my luck I would have fallen if I walked the rest of the way home. Several other things occurred during the day because of me, but that was the gist of it anyways.

Needless to say, Chief was a little peeved at me, just slightly you see. Well, ok, not really, he was PISSED. He wanted to blister my bottom and blister it he will. There was so much about today that could have been prevented if I had just listened and trusted him and done things differently. But instead I chose to procrastinate, and in some areas just flat out disobey him. I wasted his time (and even though he was happy to be there to offer support in the crisis, he really did have work he needed to do), my dad’s time, the tow truck driver’s time and money, and it will end up costing about $2,000 to fix my car. $2,000 that I so do not have I might add.

I know that I am in huge trouble and that I am going to be spanked and of course the fear and anticipation of that is immense, since I know the spanking will be pretty intense and I'm also worried about the money as well thinking to myself “I need a job, I am broke already, how am I gonna come up with money to fix my car, how can I get a job with no car, what am I gonna do?!”

By the time I got home and on Skype to face Chief about today’s mishap, I broke down, like I’m talking bawling my tired red shot eyes out, snot pouring out of my nose, can’t calm down enough to get a good breath in so I’m basically hyperventilating kind of meltdown.

And to be honest, it wasn’t just because of the upcoming spanking or worrying about the money that I was crying about. It wasn’t just because of my repentant heart. And it wasn’t that I hadn’t had any sleep last night either. I was just done, emotionally done for the day, and in my mind, the week and month as well. Sometimes I don’t realize just how much tension I’m holding inside myself until I crack and it comes out. It is scary to think about the crap I carry around inside me every day, and often it never gets released, for several reasons, but mostly because I am stubborn.

I started crying for the guilt and fear aspect, but I continued to cry because I needed to. It was healthy and good for me to feel bad about my actions and guilty, it was good for me to have that fear of the punishment to come, it was good that I was upset at myself for disappointing my Dom, but it also just felt good to cry and let go of all that tension.

I felt really bad for Chief. I cry, but I don’t normally have a meltdown like I did. It is one thing when I shed a few tears and I’m sniffling from a lecture or spanking, but it’s another thing to have a girl in front of you blubbering like a fool, totally distraught and a complete mess. So thank you Babe for putting up with me as wept like a baby. Like I said, I felt bad for him, but I still couldn’t stop crying and as soon as I would stop, something he said or I said would start me back up again. I am still crying and I am off to bed, which is VERY early for me since my bedtime is not until midnight. 

I need this sleep, but more importantly I needed this meltdown. I needed to feel the emotions of guilt, fear, worry, anticipation, etc… and then to release all of what I was holding in to bring me back down to where I needed to be. I am truly repentant and humble. I am brought down to my knees. My submission is at a high and i know it will let me drift into sleep without a worry or fear in the world. Something I don’t normally do when I let him down and know I have a punishment coming, usually I will stress and worry about it all night long. But after talking with Chief and then releasing all the stress, I know that I am safe and loved and that it will all be taken care of in the morning.

So in the end, even though I made a lot of mistakes and caused a lot of trouble and gave several people headaches, I needed to feel all of that and experience a day like that, so I could release the other stuff I was carrying as well. So in a roundabout way, since I needed what happen to bring me release, maybe the events of t0day really wasn’t my fault??

Ok, maybe not, but it was a good try.


~cas[C]

Sunday, March 18, 2012

The Luck of the Irish...

Boy what a week last week was. Instead of writing one insanely LONG post, I have written about each day already and have decided to treat this next week as if it was last week, and post the writings as they happened over the last 7 days. However, right now I don't want to write about that, I want to write about something different. 

Yesterday was St. Patrick's Day. I do have some Irish in me, as my great grandmother was a full blooded, hot tempered Irish woman from Dublin, and even though I did inherit some of her temper, this so-called luck that should accompany that must have passed me by. I have horrible luck, well actually I don’t believe in luck, but even so… its bad.

But then I sit here and think not about all the horrific and challenging things I have had to deal with in my life, but all the great things that I have had. I have a wonderful family, albeit a big, dysfunctional, crazy and loud family, I still love them so much and can not imagine my life without them. I have a roof over my head, a car (well will have one when I get it back from the shop), food in my fridge, heat from the cold, and two puppies to snuggle with and cheer me up at the end of the day.

Oh yeah, and who could forget the person I am most thankful for… my Chief. He is amazing, there is no other word for him. I am in constant awe of him and my respect for him grows daily. He knows me better than I know myself and without him, I can honestly say, I would not be here today. He has opened my closet and has seen my skeletons, but they didn’t scare him off. Instead, they brought him closer to me. The bond I share with him is truly a gift from God and I thank him every day for sending him to me.

So, in fact maybe my great grandmother’s luck of the Irish did pass on to me, because after looking at all that, I feel like the luckiest person alive. I hope that all of you take a moment to look at all you have to be thankful for as well and realize that maybe St Patrick’s Day should not be about the green beer and the shamrocks, but another day like Thanksgiving, where we reflect on our lives and realize we are all lucky. I know I am. 

~cas[C]

Thursday, March 15, 2012

My rules for cas

I remember the day that I gave her my basic rules. I scratched them out on a piece of paper while at the park. After I brainstormed the rules I numbered them to what I thought would be my priority. I gave them to cas and she nodded and replied with a “Yes Sir” humbly. The next day she approached me with a huge smile and several pieces of paper. She handed them to me and watched me intently as I read the words she had written. I was blown away. She had taken my rules and explained each one out and included circles showing personal responsibility and responsibility to me and those that overlap between. When a sub submits to her Dom it is the greatest gift a sub can give. She was so eager to give me this gift showing that she had thought about the rules I had placed upon her and took them to heart. A big hug followed me reading them and the words, “I am proud of you cas.” She looked up at me and smiled.


Chief[c]

Wednesday, March 14, 2012

My SOP (aka... The Rules)

1. Respect
Respect for you is probably the most important and necessary rule here. Respect is like submission in many ways, it is a gift; however, it is an earned gift. If the respect isn’t given then neither is my submission truly given either. They go hand in hand as part of each other. Respect includes taking your feelings, need, thoughts, wishes, commands and everything else into consideration, taking them seriously and giving them value. I do that by acknowledging you, listening to you, being truthful to you and accepting your dominance in my life. I will show you respect through my behavior but also through feelings, which is where the true respect lies. By respecting you internally, my actions should show that… and they will!

2. Obedience
Obedience is a branch of respect, but a very important one. It is the act in which I listen and carry out your commands and requests. It is biblically expected in a marriage and in my eyes that carries over in to the D/s world as well. I have committed to you in a way that goes beyond normal friendship; it is intense, sincere and from the heart. It is a promise, a vow; and although very different than marriage vows, it still maintains a majority of the respect and obedience that is required and expected between a husband and wife. From the moment I pledge my submission to you, it becomes my duty to serve you and obey you, not to question your methods, reasons or authority. It is an act of trust that I believe you will always act in favor of my best interest and out of love and concern. So with that trust, I agree to do my very best to listen and abide by your rules, demands, concerns, and suggestions without hesitation.

3. No "NOs"
This one is not only a branch from respect, but also from obedience. By accepting your dominance and agreeing to abide by your rules and guidance, it then becomes my responsibility to obey and listen. In order to comply with that, the use of “NO” as a response to a direct order or even a suggestion should not be in my vocabulary. In saying “NO”, I openly deny you that dominance I have said I would accept; I take back the submission I vowed to give. It is deliberate and willful disobedient act, one you do not deserve to be given.

4. No swearing
Swearing is wrong on so many levels. It is disrespectful, unladylike, improper, rude, and biblically wrong. In fact even the word, profanity, which includes swearing, stems from the Latin meaning of “outside the temple” aka not Christian like. It hurts my reputation and respect people have for me, as well as my testimony as a Christian. It is also a reflection on you as my Dom (regardless of who knows of that) when I act in a way that is unbecoming and disrespectful. I may have been a sailor, but that doesn’t mean I need to talk like one and I won’t.

5. Bedtime
For me personally, sleep is a HUGE struggle and it is one that is negatively affecting my life. My energy level decreases, my mood is altered and usually lowered, and my immune system drastically declines making me susceptible to all sorts of health problems and intensifies the problems I already have, such as my ears. Sleep is vital to maintaining proper care of myself and by getting a good night’s sleep, starting at whatever bedtime you give me each night, it will improve my entire quality of life. I will make sure I have taken my medications, completed my nighttime routine and in bed with my lights out by my assigned bedtime each night, actively focusing on relaxing my mind and body so I am able to fall asleep in a timely manner.

6. Exercise (walk, elliptical, zumba, etc…) AT LEAST once per day for 30 minutes
Exercise is also extremely important for maintaining a healthy lifestyle. Because of my sometimes depressed and/or stressed mood and my lack of energy (both of which are somewhat due to my lack of sleep), I am unable to find the motivation to move around like I used to and like I need to. By doing some sort of exercise for at least 30 minutes a day, I would feel better about myself emotionally, physically, and mentally, it would help improve my mood, weight, self confidence, energy level, and even work my muscles so it would be easier to fall asleep at night. There is nothing negative about this rule and it is one I have wanted to do for a long time but often find myself lacking the motivation needed to constantly accomplish it so I am thankful that you are requiring it and will be holding me accountable for it. (Ok, so that is a really long sentence, but totally grammatically sound LOL) So unless I am unable to for legitimate reasons, I will do my best to complete this task every day.

7. Limited Mt. Dew Intake 
Because of my poor sleep habits, any kind of caffeine or sugar intake in the evening would hinder my ability to go to bed at a reasonable time. My drink of choice is Mt. Dew; which unfortunately is also loaded with an insane amount of sugar. So by you restricting the amount I take is a smart and healthy rule. I will consciously pay attention to the time and make sure that I refrain from both drinking Mt. Dew and any other kind of high sugar food or drinks in the evening. 

8. Driving Safely
Driving is a privilege, not a right and it is one that I need to take more seriously than I do. Every time I get into my car, I am embarking on a dangerous journey, and my future and anyone else driving with me, becomes my responsibility to look after and take care of it. Granted, there are accidents which can happen that I might not be able to avoid, but for the safety of myself and everyone else on the road, it is my duty to do everything in my power to make sure I am doing my very best at preventing any accidents that can be avoided. By speeding, putting on makeup, playing games on my phone, texting, and any other activity that can distract me from giving my full attention to the task at hand, I increase the risk of avoidable accidents by so much it is astronomical. Driving is something that should never be taken lightly and given my loss of hearing, it is even that much more important that I remain focused on driving safely. I will consciously remind myself and be aware of what I am doing while behind the wheel. I am worth it and so is the lives and safety of everyone else on the road.

9. NO Cutting
It is a dangerous and self-destructing act which causes me more emotional pain in the long run then I originally had. It is damaging to every part of me, emotionally, physically, mentally, inside and out and also hurtful to those around me. There is not much to be said on the subject other than how horrible it is and that I NEED to stop doing it and find better ways to cope under stress. I will remember that I am worth it and stop and think before I act irrationally under pressure, leaning on God, my friends, family, and other coping skills to help me to refrain from sliding down that path again.

10. Focus and Motivation for Day to Day Life
Every day brings new challenges and tasks that need to be completed to maintain good order and stop stress and chaos from happening. I have a tendency to be careless with my decision making process and to act impulsively or to just not act at all because I am lacking the motivation. Either way, I need to stay focused on the chores of everyday life to keep myself balanced, healthy and happy. Whether it be washing the dishes every night, making important phone calls, making my bed in the morning, just getting out of the house for a bit, etc…, by staying on top of these things are essential to having a fulfilling and rewarding life, and one that doesn’t fall to pieces. I will remember the importance of staying positive and motivated and put that knowledge to good use in my day to day life. 

~cas[C]

Anchors Aweigh cont…

As I read cas's entry, it brings me back to that awesome day. The day that she excepted my collar; the day she excepted my guidance and chose to follow my lead; the day she became mine. So with a great deal of pride, here are my vows as well...


Without any trepidation I offer this collar to you. With this collar...

I vow to love you – to put you first before my own needs and wants.
I vow to lead – to step out and be first, to lead by example, to lead us in prayer, and spiritually
I vow to know you and to study you and dwell within you according to that knowledge.
I vow to protect you and to keep you from harm and to make you feel safe
I vow to honor you. To make decisions that bring you honor weather in public or private.
I vow to teach you or guide you. I will do this by being fair, firm and have your best interest in mind. I will do this based on your needs first then wants.
I vow to stay the course, to not stray from you or leave your side.
And lastly I vow to put God first in this relationship. To pray to God, to seek his guidance and to listen. God has given me great responsibilities and I do not take these lightly.

So now with great pride, I offer you this collar. 


Chief[c]

Anchors Aweigh…

Even though we didn’t start our relationship today, we did start our blog today so I thought it might be nice to go back to the beginning and share the vows that we exchanged the day we got underway on this deployment of our relationship.
The day I became his.
The day I said “yes”.
The day he gave me the best gift ever. 
The day he chose me. 
The day he collared me.

My vow to him...

I am confident that God has chosen you to be my friend and my Dom. It is my prayer and desire that you will find in me who God has chosen for your friend and sub as well. I was lost and alone but like a shining star in the darkest night, you came falling into my life, to light my way and guide me with your love, support, leadership and protection. I am truly blessed and hope that I will always cherish the gift God gave me in you. I am honored to be able to offer you my submission and accept your collar to wear as an outward expression of your dominance over me.

I will wear this collar with pride and I give you my pledge that I will respect, trust, love, honor and obey you as long as I wear it. I promise to be faithful to you and to stand by you in all that you do; to support you and pray with you as we grow closer to each other and to God; to remember my place, putting you above myself always and to give you the respect you so rightfully deserve; to communicate openly and honestly and to share with you my innermost fears, feelings, secrets and dreams so that nothing will ever be hidden, just as I promise to also listen to yours; to submit to your authority, fully trusting that you have my best interest in mind regardless of if I see it myself and obeying whatever you demand of me; and finally, to accept any punishment you may give me with humbleness and a repentant heart.

I happily, freely, fully and without hesitation or fear give you not only my submission, but also my body, mind, heart and soul. Together, we make a beautiful constellation and I pray that we will sparkle and shine for both each other and for God. So today, I pledge my commitment and devotion, I now belong to you Sir…. please take me and make me yours


~cas[C]