Friday, July 13, 2012

Happy Anniversary Sir!

It may have been Friday the 13th to everyone else, but to me it was our anniversary of sorts. 5 months ago, I accepted the collar of the man I love. I am sooooo lucky to have him in my life. Despite all the brain tumors, hearing loss, stress and everything else, I am still so blessed and happy to have Chief in my life. 
I know that most people will never understand the idea of a D/s relationship, but for me, it is all I will ever have. My need to be submissive and to be dominated is just as much a part of me as my need to love and care for someone. It completes me. It is a safe feeling and it allows me to be free to be all that I am.

But not just anyone can be my demand my submission, in fact NOONE can demand it. It is a gift I choose to give. It is a gift to a special kind of man, chosen by me, and sent for me by God. It is a decision I do not take lightly, but one made after hours of thinking on it and praying and seeking God’s wisdom.

The man I call my Dom is one of a kind and even though I have given him my submission and accepted his collar, it is I who feels like he is the gift to me.

What makes him so special and worthy to be my Dom and my love?

First and foremost, he is a Christian and loves God with all his heart. He trusts Jesus and leans on Him, praying and reading His word, following Him and allowing God to guide him in his life. He is confident yet humble. He isn’t perfect, nor does he pretend to be. He is slow to anger and quick to listen. He is one of the most patient men I know, which for me is important, because I know I can be very strong-willed, stubborn, and trying at times.

He is firm but fair. He leads by example and always listens. He tries to provide for my every need and care as much as he can. He wants to shape me and help me become a better Christian and woman, seeing in me someone, who in his mind can achieve much higher and much greater than I can see. He believes in me more than I believe in myself. He takes great pride in my successes and he should because after all, he helped mold me. He sees it as his job to protect me, both from the outside world and from myself.

He hates to see me hurting and even though he hates to have to punish me, he knows it is something that is needed. This takes great strength on his part. It takes strength to shape me to his needs and desires; it takes strength to be my confidant, my shoulder, my anchor; it takes strength to let me out in the world when all he wants to do is hold me close in his arms; it takes strength to do what is needed when I have to be disciplined; it takes strength and he has it, and I am grateful and respect him for it.

He knows the value of discipline, though at times his soft heart gets the best of him and that is ok too. He knows that in order for me to be the best I can possibly be, he must be firm and follow through unless geared otherwise by circumstances. He uses God’s guidance, his personal experiences and wisdom in life and his ever growing knowledge of me to provide a proper direction and punishment when needed. He knows this hurts me and that my tears and my cries tear at his heart, but he also knows that it is for my own good.

He provides something else important as well… acceptance and security.

I am safe in his arms because he knows me, all of me and he still loves me. He knows my secrets, my nightmares, my horrors and of course my faults and it doesn't matter. To him, I am beautiful and he accepts every part of me as I do him. He works to emphasize the good in me while improving the bad. He loves me as much for who I am now as for who I will become in the future with his guidance. He would not and could not invest so much of himself in someone he did not love completely and I need to remember that when my insecurities start to haunt me.

This love would not be possible without respect. I need to give him the respect I have for him and show him the gratefulness in my heart for who he is and what he does. He should be able to be feel great pride in me. He needs to know that I can hold my own in the outside world but still submit to him. He holds the greatest respect for the gift I have given to him and he knows that I can choose to be with any man, but I choose him. I need to keep that in mind that he chose me as well. He knows that with that, it makes discipline a priority in our lives. I must trust him, but in order for me to do so, I must know that he means what he say and trust me, he does and it constantly deepens my respect for him. The discipline is also important when it comes to my protection. He is the one who makes the decisions about how I relate to the world in general, in our relationship and in my personal life and I need to remember that and honor that more than I do without struggling. His discipline ensures that I follow the rules he give me, making him the male authority in my life and he uses that power to enrich my life rather than crush it.

Thank you Jesus for giving him to me and help me to be the best sub I can be for him from now on. Help my respect for him match his love for me.

He is my earthly savior, my shining star sent down from heaven to guide me and lead me to where God wants me to be. He is my skin on God and I am truly blessed for I have found my lucky star, my compass on this deployment, my captain, my Quartermaster…


Chief's Response

Baby this has been an amazing journey between the two of us, and although you have worn my collar for 5 months, you have been in my heart much longer. We have come so far and have so much further to go. With God’s help the skies are the limit.

You have permeated my soul and I thank God daily that you chose me to give your submission to.
That collar that I gave you and that you wear proudly is just a symbol of our love and how we take care of each other.

Some of the most amazing things (that I stand in awe as I watch)
1. Your selflessness. You are always there for me day and night and you serve me.
2. Your perseverance. Despite what life throws at you, you roll up your sleeves and face it boldly
3. Your strength. Mental strength, physical strength are both so strong. You and I know what you have gone through and you have bounced back
4. Your love for others. You love people so much and I follow your lead
5. Your love and faith in God. Without this the other four would not be possible.

As we celebrate this 5 month anniversary. I am reminded that we are such a great team and that’s why God put us together.

Happy Anniversary, I love you baby. Hugs

Chief [c]

Audio Responses on Spanking Tube... :)

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Thursday, June 14, 2012

Rude Reflection = Red Reminders :(

The collar I wear symbolizes the love, devotion, respect, obedience, vows,and EVERYTHING that our relationship together means. He chose to give it to me and I chose to accept it. With that collar comes responsibilities on both our parts. And because I wear Chief's collar, I represent him in all that I do and say. 

Last week I did something very out of character for me; I was disrespectful to another Dom when he was trying to bring up my behavior in a chat room we were both in. I could list my reasons, but they are unimportant, what is important is I got defensive and snapped back at him treating him rudely. 

In those maybe 7 minutes or less of time, I managed to not only be disrespectful to someone who was only trying to help and was a Dom to boot, but also disrespected Chief by representing him in a bad manner. He should have pride in his sub, not be ashamed of me. 

I would like to first apologize to the Dom I talked to (his name shall remain anonymous) for treating him rudely. My actions were uncalled for and inappropriate. Let it be known to you that I was paddled long and hard with my wooden bath brush; an implement I abhor immensely, but remains a very effective tool. :( I am both repentant and extremely sore as I write this. Please forgive me and be assured that Chief not only took care of it but that I have learned from it as well. 

Next, I would like to apologize to Chief. I love you so much and you bend over backwards to be there for me in whatever way you can, whether it be giving me a shoulder to cry on or a knee to cry over and I want nothing more than to bring you joy and pride in knowing I am yours. My actions are a direct reflection of you and even though this is a very rare occurrence for me, I feel horrible that I represented you in that way.  My goal is for you to be able to beam with pride in owning me not embarrassed and upset. Please forgive me Sir. I have learned my lesson and it will not happen again. I love you more than myself. 



I am not sure who if any reads or follows our blog, but for those of you who do I apologize for not posting much if any lately. Things have been kinda crazy in our lives.        

On top of everyday life struggles, I recently found out that the cause of my hearing loss was not what they originally had diagnosed me with, but instead was caused by 2 brain tumors on and around my acoustic nerve on both sides of my head.

While this is good news in that now I know what actually caused it and that it is non cancerous and treatable, it is still dangerous and extremely stressful. I am currently undergoing radiation therapy, which is physically, mentally and emotionally challenging. The process itself doesn't hurt at all, but the effects it is having on me are hard to deal with. I have lost all my hair including my eyebrows yesterday (which I wasn't prepared for those) because the radiation is on my head as well as it makes me very fatigued and weak.          

I have been relaxing and taking a break from focusing on the blog. There will be occasional updates here and there but for the next several weeks they will not be regular as before.   

Thank you for your support and understanding. I hope you still continue to read, enjoy and possibly even learn from the blog.   

Oh an FYI... even though I am under a lot of stress with all this, I am still being held accountable for my actions. Translation... my bottom is not being spared just because my brain is being treated. LOL Sometimes, it just takes a little longer to get to my punishments than we would like because I might be too weak or tired at that time, but trust me, they still get addressed eventually.            

However, Chief is being so supportive and understanding. I would not be able to do this without him and I am eternally grateful for his love and everything. Thank you Sir, I love you buzz! :) 



I have never been prouder of you during this time. Your strength and resilience amazes me. You handle struggles better than anyone I have ever met. I promise that we make it through this speed bump together. (holds out my hand) Take my hand baby and let me lead you through this. If you can't walk, I will carry you. 

Don't worry about the blog, this is low on the priority list compared to all the things we need to take care of. We will update when you are feeling better.

-Chief [c]

Monday, May 21, 2012

Disney Discipline

On top of my fridge I have Mickey and Minnie Mouse stuffed animals that match my kitchen decor. Being the spanko that I am, I decided to arrange them in a way that would make Chief laugh, think it was cute and in turn thinking I was cute so it would hopefully fulfill my attempt in softening him up for my upcoming punishment I had coming today. 

Did he laugh? 

Did he think it was cute?

Did he think I was cute? 

Did it work to soften it up? 

*grumbles... but I still think the pic is worth sharing even tho he did not take it easy on me. I am posting this on my tummy as I lay here with a burning bottom, but I am so very grateful and blessed to have such a loving yet firm Dom who takes the time to correct me when I need it. Thank you and I love you Sir! :)


A reply to cas,

It was funny babe and you are too cute, but I will repeat my comments from this morning "It looks like we have eyes on us and they are not only watching us, but following our example too. Since it clearly appears that I am a role model and influential to Mickey's understanding of this lifestyle, I will just have to make sure to show him how it is done and let him know that follow through and being firm are essential don't you agree? I mean you wouldn't want to let them down and steer them in the wrong direction would you?"

Chief [c]

Sunday, May 20, 2012

Sleep eludes her!

Sleep have been a struggle between cas and I ever since I met her. Her first spanking I ever gave her was over me extending her bed time and the next morning when she had to get up at 5 am. I found out that she stayed up till like 4 am. When I asked her if she went to bed on time, she admitted she didn't.  When I asked her what time she went to bed, she came back with some attitude saying, “what does it matter?” Well all that got her was a red bottom and some lines.

Fast forward to now and she not only pulled an all nighter, but then missed work. That is unacceptable for a woman. I would expect that from a teen but not a grown woman. I was livid. She had to apologize to her boss in writing.

A hint for tomorrow!
Tomorrow morning I am going to roll up my sleeves and I can guarantee that her bottom will be black and blue. I do not put up with irresponsible behavior like this.

Tomorrow I will post what exactly I punished her with. It is not going to be for the faint of heart and she will be sleeping on her tummy tomorrow night.