“Under stressful times I will be especially careful in the way I talk to Chief”....

So, the last few weeks have been packed with enormous amounts of stress for me. I used to be able to handle stress pretty well, but now when things get stressful, I have horrible anxiety attacks. I worry, I cry, I stress, I get flustered, overwhelmed and irritated.

You see the problem is, I am a woman… meaning I am emotional. I handle stress with crying, desperation, sadness, panic and hopelessness. I tend to focus on the negative aspects of the situation and how horrible and overwhelming it is making my life rather than the solution or the cause.

That is where Chief comes in. He is the exact opposite of me when it comes to handling stress. He is a solver, a fixer, a thinker (no wonder he is a math geek :P) so his approach is to figure out what caused the problem, and focus on a way to change it. He remains calm, logical, and positive. He patiently listens to my cries, rants, and fits of frustration before offering his help in the matter by explaining what I should do to improve it. And if there isn’t a solution, he will still be there to comfort, console, hug and try to calm me down, encouraging me to take it to God and pray about it.

What I NEED to do in these chaotic times is to stop, breathe, pray and listen to my wise and supportive Chief. He is always on my side in that he is ALWAYS trying to help me and offer the support I need, whatever that may be.

But do I do this???

NO, not usually and I am not proud of that. Instead, I am so wrapped up in the overwhelming emotions that I don’t see that he is trying to help and I just snap at him. Those who know me know that I am a sassy girl to begin with and more than that, I am stubborn, and I mean STUBBORN. So even if I hear what Chief has to say, if it goes against what I think is the right thing to do or it is something I don’t want to do, then chances are I will get defensive and open my mouth, and not to say the words “you are right Sir” or “thank you”.

You see, I have this awful habit of speaking before I think, and when you mix that with my stubbornness and frazzled nerves, the outcome isn’t pretty. It usually ends in me saying something I will regret, yelling at Chief and treating him with disrespect. I don’t do it on purpose, but it is a pattern that occurs way too often.

Now Chief is a very, and I mean very patient and tolerable man, especially when I am under enormous amounts of stress. However, even a patient man will eventually reach his limit and when that happens, when I finally cross that line after several warnings, he brings the hammer down hard. (Actually hammer isn’t the right word, it is more like hand, paddle, belt, etc… but you get the picture)

Well, he finally had enough a few days ago and I found myself once again, over his knee, kicking and crying as he paddled my bottom with the sassy spoon (this wicked wooden spoon specifically designated for taming my tongue). But that was not all he did…he also gave me lines to write.


(A drawing that Chief did to logolize the darn wooden spoon, I hate the implement, but i gotta say that the little customized logo is pretty cool LOL)

I hate lines. They are not hard to do, but I just hate them. They are time consuming and make my hand hurt. But more than that, they force me to constantly think about what I did and reflect on my actions for every sentence I write. It is like a painful little jab each time I finish one, knowing I have so many more to go Being a stubborn girl, I hate to be constantly reminded of my mistake and would much rather just take a spanking and be done with it. This is also why, unfortunately for me, lines work pretty well usually, especially when accompanied with a spanking.

So here I sat, on a sore bottom and wrote “Under stressful times I will be especially careful in the way I talk to Chief” 195 times. Now I know most of you are saying, 195? Why not make it an even 200? The thing is, I have OCD and everything I do must me in a multiple of three, which even goes with punishments (i.e…number of swats, lines, or minutes etc…). And actually, because I didn’t plan these lines out right, I was left with the last page only having 3 lines, and since that didn’t look right, I ended up doing 207 lines instead. No, I am not an over-achiever in this or trying to brown-nose. I just have issues LOL

Anyways, the lines are done, my bottom is still sore but I know I have been forgiven. I hope that the combination of this was enough to finally get through to me to appreciate and respect Chief when he is just trying to help me during difficult times and not to snap at him with attitude. Once again, I am sorry Sir and thank you.

~cas[C]