Thursday, June 14, 2012

Rude Reflection = Red Reminders :(

The collar I wear symbolizes the love, devotion, respect, obedience, vows,and EVERYTHING that our relationship together means. He chose to give it to me and I chose to accept it. With that collar comes responsibilities on both our parts. And because I wear Chief's collar, I represent him in all that I do and say. 

Last week I did something very out of character for me; I was disrespectful to another Dom when he was trying to bring up my behavior in a chat room we were both in. I could list my reasons, but they are unimportant, what is important is I got defensive and snapped back at him treating him rudely. 

In those maybe 7 minutes or less of time, I managed to not only be disrespectful to someone who was only trying to help and was a Dom to boot, but also disrespected Chief by representing him in a bad manner. He should have pride in his sub, not be ashamed of me. 


I would like to first apologize to the Dom I talked to (his name shall remain anonymous) for treating him rudely. My actions were uncalled for and inappropriate. Let it be known to you that I was paddled long and hard with my wooden bath brush; an implement I abhor immensely, but remains a very effective tool. :( I am both repentant and extremely sore as I write this. Please forgive me and be assured that Chief not only took care of it but that I have learned from it as well. 

Next, I would like to apologize to Chief. I love you so much and you bend over backwards to be there for me in whatever way you can, whether it be giving me a shoulder to cry on or a knee to cry over and I want nothing more than to bring you joy and pride in knowing I am yours. My actions are a direct reflection of you and even though this is a very rare occurrence for me, I feel horrible that I represented you in that way.  My goal is for you to be able to beam with pride in owning me not embarrassed and upset. Please forgive me Sir. I have learned my lesson and it will not happen again. I love you more than myself. 

~cas[C]

Update...

I am not sure who if any reads or follows our blog, but for those of you who do I apologize for not posting much if any lately. Things have been kinda crazy in our lives.        

On top of everyday life struggles, I recently found out that the cause of my hearing loss was not what they originally had diagnosed me with, but instead was caused by 2 brain tumors on and around my acoustic nerve on both sides of my head.

While this is good news in that now I know what actually caused it and that it is non cancerous and treatable, it is still dangerous and extremely stressful. I am currently undergoing radiation therapy, which is physically, mentally and emotionally challenging. The process itself doesn't hurt at all, but the effects it is having on me are hard to deal with. I have lost all my hair including my eyebrows yesterday (which I wasn't prepared for those) because the radiation is on my head as well as it makes me very fatigued and weak.          

I have been relaxing and taking a break from focusing on the blog. There will be occasional updates here and there but for the next several weeks they will not be regular as before.   

Thank you for your support and understanding. I hope you still continue to read, enjoy and possibly even learn from the blog.   

Oh an FYI... even though I am under a lot of stress with all this, I am still being held accountable for my actions. Translation... my bottom is not being spared just because my brain is being treated. LOL Sometimes, it just takes a little longer to get to my punishments than we would like because I might be too weak or tired at that time, but trust me, they still get addressed eventually.            

However, Chief is being so supportive and understanding. I would not be able to do this without him and I am eternally grateful for his love and everything. Thank you Sir, I love you buzz! :) 


~cas[C]


Baby,


I have never been prouder of you during this time. Your strength and resilience amazes me. You handle struggles better than anyone I have ever met. I promise that we make it through this speed bump together. (holds out my hand) Take my hand baby and let me lead you through this. If you can't walk, I will carry you. 


Don't worry about the blog, this is low on the priority list compared to all the things we need to take care of. We will update when you are feeling better.


-Chief [c]