Happy Anniversary Sir!

It may have been Friday the 13th to everyone else, but to me it was our anniversary of sorts. 5 months ago, I accepted the collar of the man I love. I am sooooo lucky to have him in my life. Despite all the brain tumors, hearing loss, stress and everything else, I am still so blessed and happy to have Chief in my life. 

I know that most people will never understand the idea of a D/s relationship, but for me, it is all I will ever have. My need to be submissive and to be dominated is just as much a part of me as my need to love and care for someone. It completes me. It is a safe feeling and it allows me to be free to be all that I am.

But not just anyone can be my demand my submission, in fact NOONE can demand it. It is a gift I choose to give. It is a gift to a special kind of man, chosen by me, and sent for me by God. It is a decision I do not take lightly, but one made after hours of thinking on it and praying and seeking God’s wisdom.

The man I call my Dom is one of a kind and even though I have given him my submission and accepted his collar, it is I who feels like he is the gift to me.

What makes him so special and worthy to be my Dom and my love?

First and foremost, he is a Christian and loves God with all his heart. He trusts Jesus and leans on Him, praying and reading His word, following Him and allowing God to guide him in his life. He is confident yet humble. He isn’t perfect, nor does he pretend to be. He is slow to anger and quick to listen. He is one of the most patient men I know, which for me is important, because I know I can be very strong-willed, stubborn, and trying at times.

He is firm but fair. He leads by example and always listens. He tries to provide for my every need and care as much as he can. He wants to shape me and help me become a better Christian and woman, seeing in me someone, who in his mind can achieve much higher and much greater than I can see. He believes in me more than I believe in myself. He takes great pride in my successes and he should because after all, he helped mold me. He sees it as his job to protect me, both from the outside world and from myself.

He hates to see me hurting and even though he hates to have to punish me, he knows it is something that is needed. This takes great strength on his part. It takes strength to shape me to his needs and desires; it takes strength to be my confidant, my shoulder, my anchor; it takes strength to let me out in the world when all he wants to do is hold me close in his arms; it takes strength to do what is needed when I have to be disciplined; it takes strength and he has it, and I am grateful and respect him for it.

He knows the value of discipline, though at times his soft heart gets the best of him and that is ok too. He knows that in order for me to be the best I can possibly be, he must be firm and follow through unless geared otherwise by circumstances. He uses God’s guidance, his personal experiences and wisdom in life and his ever growing knowledge of me to provide a proper direction and punishment when needed. He knows this hurts me and that my tears and my cries tear at his heart, but he also knows that it is for my own good.

He provides something else important as well… acceptance and security.

I am safe in his arms because he knows me, all of me and he still loves me. He knows my secrets, my nightmares, my horrors and of course my faults and it doesn't matter. To him, I am beautiful and he accepts every part of me as I do him. He works to emphasize the good in me while improving the bad. He loves me as much for who I am now as for who I will become in the future with his guidance. He would not and could not invest so much of himself in someone he did not love completely and I need to remember that when my insecurities start to haunt me.

This love would not be possible without respect. I need to give him the respect I have for him and show him the gratefulness in my heart for who he is and what he does. He should be able to be feel great pride in me. He needs to know that I can hold my own in the outside world but still submit to him. He holds the greatest respect for the gift I have given to him and he knows that I can choose to be with any man, but I choose him. I need to keep that in mind that he chose me as well. He knows that with that, it makes discipline a priority in our lives. I must trust him, but in order for me to do so, I must know that he means what he say and trust me, he does and it constantly deepens my respect for him. The discipline is also important when it comes to my protection. He is the one who makes the decisions about how I relate to the world in general, in our relationship and in my personal life and I need to remember that and honor that more than I do without struggling. His discipline ensures that I follow the rules he give me, making him the male authority in my life and he uses that power to enrich my life rather than crush it.

Thank you Jesus for giving him to me and help me to be the best sub I can be for him from now on. Help my respect for him match his love for me.

He is my earthly savior, my shining star sent down from heaven to guide me and lead me to where God wants me to be. He is my skin on God and I am truly blessed for I have found my lucky star, my compass on this deployment, my captain, my Quartermaster…

~cas[C]




Chief's Response


Baby this has been an amazing journey between the two of us, and although you have worn my collar for 5 months, you have been in my heart much longer. We have come so far and have so much further to go. With God’s help the skies are the limit.

You have permeated my soul and I thank God daily that you chose me to give your submission to.

That collar that I gave you and that you wear proudly is just a symbol of our love and how we take care of each other.

Some of the most amazing things (that I stand in awe as I watch)

1. Your selflessness. You are always there for me day and night and you serve me.

2. Your perseverance. Despite what life throws at you, you roll up your sleeves and face it boldly

3. Your strength. Mental strength, physical strength are both so strong. You and I know what you have gone through and you have bounced back

4. Your love for others. You love people so much and I follow your lead

5. Your love and faith in God. Without this the other four would not be possible.

As we celebrate this 5 month anniversary. I am reminded that we are such a great team and that’s why God put us together.

Happy Anniversary, I love you baby. Hugs

Chief [c]

heavy foot = heavy paddling and more :(

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Update...

I am not sure who if any reads or follows our blog, but for those of you who do I apologize for not posting much if any lately. Things have been kinda crazy in our lives.        

On top of everyday life struggles, I recently found out that the cause of my hearing loss was not what they originally had diagnosed me with, but instead was caused by 2 brain tumors on and around my acoustic nerve on both sides of my head.

While this is good news in that now I know what actually caused it and that it is non cancerous and treatable, it is still dangerous and extremely stressful. I am currently undergoing radiation therapy, which is physically, mentally and emotionally challenging. The process itself doesn't hurt at all, but the effects it is having on me are hard to deal with. I have lost all my hair including my eyebrows yesterday (which I wasn't prepared for those) because the radiation is on my head as well as it makes me very fatigued and weak.          

I have been relaxing and taking a break from focusing on the blog. There will be occasional updates here and there but for the next several weeks they will not be regular as before.   

Thank you for your support and understanding. I hope you still continue to read, enjoy and possibly even learn from the blog.   

Oh an FYI... even though I am under a lot of stress with all this, I am still being held accountable for my actions. Translation... my bottom is not being spared just because my brain is being treated. LOL Sometimes, it just takes a little longer to get to my punishments than we would like because I might be too weak or tired at that time, but trust me, they still get addressed eventually.            

However, Chief is being so supportive and understanding. I would not be able to do this without him and I am eternally grateful for his love and everything. Thank you Sir, I love you buzz! :) 

~cas[C]


Baby,


I have never been prouder of you during this time. Your strength and resilience amazes me. You handle struggles better than anyone I have ever met. I promise that we make it through this speed bump together. (holds out my hand) Take my hand baby and let me lead you through this. If you can't walk, I will carry you. 


Don't worry about the blog, this is low on the priority list compared to all the things we need to take care of. We will update when you are feeling better.


-Chief [c]

Disney Discipline

On top of my fridge I have Mickey and Minnie Mouse stuffed animals that match my kitchen decor. Being the spanko that I am, I decided to arrange them in a way that would make Chief laugh, think it was cute and in turn thinking I was cute so it would hopefully fulfill my attempt in softening him up for my upcoming punishment I had coming today. 

Did he laugh? 

Yes! 

Did he think it was cute?

Yes!

Did he think I was cute? 

Yes! 

Did it work to soften it up? 

HELL NO! 

*grumbles... but I still think the pic is worth sharing even tho he did not take it easy on me. I am posting this on my tummy as I lay here with a burning bottom, but I am so very grateful and blessed to have such a loving yet firm Dom who takes the time to correct me when I need it. Thank you and I love you Sir! :)

~cas[C]

A reply to cas,


It was funny babe and you are too cute, but I will repeat my comments from this morning "It looks like we have eyes on us and they are not only watching us, but following our example too. Since it clearly appears that I am a role model and influential to Mickey's understanding of this lifestyle, I will just have to make sure to show him how it is done and let him know that follow through and being firm are essential don't you agree? I mean you wouldn't want to let them down and steer them in the wrong direction would you?"

Chief [c]

Sleep eludes her!

Sleep have been a struggle between cas and I ever since I met her. Her first spanking I ever gave her was over me extending her bed time and the next morning when she had to get up at 5 am. I found out that she stayed up till like 4 am. When I asked her if she went to bed on time, she admitted she didn't.  When I asked her what time she went to bed, she came back with some attitude saying, “what does it matter?” Well all that got her was a red bottom and some lines.

Fast forward to now and she not only pulled an all nighter, but then missed work. That is unacceptable for a woman. I would expect that from a teen but not a grown woman. I was livid. She had to apologize to her boss in writing.

A hint for tomorrow!

Tomorrow morning I am going to roll up my sleeves and I can guarantee that her bottom will be black and blue. I do not put up with irresponsible behavior like this.

Tomorrow I will post what exactly I punished her with. It is not going to be for the faint of heart and she will be sleeping on her tummy tomorrow night.

    

Chief[c]                

                                                                                               

Time Crunch

There are some things that cas needs corrections for occasionally and it is time sensitive so we need to take care of it right away however, with our busy lives, our time apart and deadlines to meet sometimes we need to take care of her attitude or behavior another way.  Today is such a day. I told her to go to the store and get some Capsaicin Cream and have it ready for this afternoon. She is going to get a quick over my knee hand spanking then (with rubber gloves) I am applying a little pea size drop of this wicked cream on each cheek of her bottom. In a half hour she will be squirming and begging for me to let her wash it off. Depending on how I feel it will be a while before I tell her to get a cup of milk and wash her bottom. (That is the only way to stop it we have found). This punishment is used sparingly because of its intensity, but today with all my meetings and her busy schedule it’s the only way we can get this done. Sorry baby.

A lecture was more than enough

The power of words will impact more than any form or physical force and this has been known from the beginning of time. Think of the impact of “Fore score and seven years ago” or “I have a dream” or even “Ask not what your country can do for you but what you can do for your country”. Those words were surrounded by a lot of violence and physical force, but what has stood the test of time were the words that were spoken not so much the actions that people did.

Now cas woke up on the wrong side of the bed and foul mood and temper were more than I could handle. I will not go into details but when I walked out to cool my brain, I think that’s when she realized that she had messed up. She went for a walk too to reflect the morning’s interaction between us, sat and wrote this incredible poem that not only she posted but also read to me.

When I got home there was a note to check the blog and I listened to it while reading along, and although I really liked it, I was still livid. She came home meek and quiet and when I saw her that is when I laid into her. The words that came rolling off my tongue were a compilation of feelings and emotions that had been bottled up for some time. The words were sharp as arrows and as I said each sentence I could see the hurt in her eyes grow to the breaking point.

It started with a single tear running from the inside of her eye down her cheek and grew until she was a blubbering, sniffling mess. She dropped to her knees and begged forgiveness and at that point I could see that she was completely broken, it was time to stop the lecture, the lecture that hurt her very soul, and reduced her to a point of surrender.

I reached down at that point pulled her to her feet, hugged her and tried to console her. This did not work at first and she didn’t stop blubbering to the point my shirt was soaked as she pressed her face against it. Finally after quite a bit of time she started to wind down (I think she ran out of tears) she sniffed a bit and said sorry one last time. I told her, “it’s ok baby, it’s ok” I realized then that my words were more than enough to handle this situation.

Chief [c]

Credit = Money you don’t have

I am not going to get into cas’ financial situation, all I will say is that she doesn’t have a lot of spending cash. She is on a tight budget. So thirty-six bucks may not be much for some but like a lot of people who go paycheck to paycheck, that money could fill a gas tank or food toward the end of the month. I also have a philosophy that debt = slavery. I think that people should not go into debt for any reason except a house and your first car. (If you want I can explain my philosphy on living debt free, I have taught it to a lot of people and have changed lives. Just shoot me an email at qmc2112@gmail.com) So a while back cas and I talked (and yes we BOTH talked). I decided that she would not use the card without my permission.

Then comes the dreaded text, “Chief, please check our blog out.” I check it and let me just say, I was furious. For those who checked it out right when it got posted saw what she spent the money on. I had her change it because it wasn’t anyone’s business. But I can say it was absolutely worthless. I got her on the phone and told her that I was going to beat her butt.

Yesterday, I made the trip to her house and told her on my way to have the spray bottle and bath brush ready. It started with an intense lecture that included the three areas I thought she messed up with. One: She didn’t have the money to spend on such a wasted item. Two: She didn’t ask me to use the card, because in her words, “You would say no!” which to me was defiant.  And three: She kept it from me for days which in my book, “keeping the truth from me” is the same thing as “lying to me”. The lectured ended with her having to add $36 dollars to next month’s payment to her credit card.  

Before and After

Then I had her bend over the bed. I sprayed her bottom good and wet, and brought that brush down with a lot of force thirty six times on her bare bottom for the dollar amount and then some more for the defiance and lying. The sound was echoing off the walls and I ignored all her cries, pleas and begging. From the first smack her bottom showed signs of bright red circle and by the end it was already starting to bruise. I didn’t take pictures but she was blubbering pretty hard on the bed.

I comforted her and told her that it was over as I rubbed her back. She cleaned herself up and an hour after the spanking we had lunch and every time she winced as she sat all I could think of was she learned her lesson and she truly understands that she doesn’t need to spend money she doesn’t have and to never lie to me again.

Chief[c]

Feedback is Essential for Improvement

Feedback is important, and usually positive feedback (although is nice) does not help with growth at all. I find that constructive feedback is much more useful. Whenever I read reviews of products, I get more out of the negative comments because they address issues, where the positive comments usually are just singing praises. 

The key to receiving constructive feedback is not to let emotions play a apart in the listening process. Emotions will blind the person to what is actually being said. Having an open mind is also essential.

So cas yesterday was really feeling alone (me being in the Dallas area and busy and her being 4 hour drive away) and really needed attention. I had told her about a couple of punishment she is getting Monday and Wednesday, for behavior I will let her tell you about. And she broke down in tears more than I have seen in quite some time. After trying to console her and having zero success I was at my wits end. I texted her to give me some feedback with the following text: “Fill in the blank with action words, cas loves Chief because ________” This text was for her. This text was for her to refocus on what she loves about me. After I got her list I texted her “Chief could improve in the following areas: ____________ (you need to be 100% honest)” This was for my feedback. I had promised her in my vow to her “I vow to know you and to study you and dwell within you according to that knowledge.” Well this was my way to study her and find out what she needed. I had my list of things I needed to improve but I needed to know what was on her list for me to improve. Her list over lapped my list however,  there was things that were not on my list at all. So I took my mental list added hers and moved all of hers items to the top of my list.

cas's grade is Excellent!

After that was done, she turned my experiment on to me and asked me the same question of “Chief loves cas because _______________” and I was honest when I told why I loved her. Which I think made her feel good because it was a list of reasons I loved her and that it had nothing to do with her behavior. Then after some hesitation she texted me “cas needs to improve in the following areas”.  She jokingly said, that the list was going to be long. And then she received the following text, “************, ********** and *********” That is all that I see she needs to improve. (BTW that's between her and I) I can  tell you that she has an excellent score and doesn't need to improve much.




Chief [c]

Running on Empty

      So cas helped me last night with my signing homework and we stayed up a little late. Cas woke up a little bit earlier than I did and when I woke with the smell of coffee (which I enjoy) and cas’ smile. 

      When cas doesn’t get enough sleep she has a problem with her eyes and she rubs them. My rule is that cas is not allowed to rub her eyes when they are irritated. The more she rubs the more her eyes get irritated and the vicious cycle starts. She knows this. So I look over and she is rubbing her eyes and so I take a sip of my coffee and tell her to stop rubbing. She gets a little grumpy and stomps her foot (this is her visual way of saying “Fine!”) I raise an eyebrow and she snaps back into her place. I tell her if she needs to rub to get a wash cloth with cool water and dab her eyes. She just huffs and continues to get around. 

      I come out of the bathroom and there cas is rubbing her eyes again. She sees me and fear shoots through her eyes. I spin her around and give her a few hard swats, and after yelping she gets around with out an issue. She dresses in her zoo shirt and name tag and out the door about 2 minutes late. 

      I have Good Friday off so I just sip my coffee and catch up on the news. She calls me from the car and she apologizes for the morning. I sip my coffee and tell her that’s ok. She says that she forgot her glasses and I told her that she forgot them because she was running late and because she had to get a few swats. Then in the next breath she yells “damn it!” I ask her, “What’s wrong?” She said that she missed her exit. I tell she has plenty of time and not to worry. Well then she starts freaking out on me and says, "damn and I am going to run out of gas." I said, "What?!, cas how low is your tank allowed to get?", She realized that she just admitted that her tank was below a quarter tank, which I don't allow. I told her that she was in trouble and she didn’t care. I told her that she will care after she gets done with the zoo. That snapped her back and she became very respectful and in a quiet voice she asked what she was going to get. I told her that she will find out on the blog.

To cas: you are getting the bathbrush and then IcyHot. 












Chief [c]

Welcome home baby, welcome home.

The last month has been eating at me, and then the last two weeks have been really testing my will. Let me preface this article by saying that I am extremely grateful to have cas in my life, She truly gives me more than she realizes, but I will get to that later.

Being a Dom isn’t easy. It is this delicate balance between love, guiding, discipline, and understanding. You want to guide them without breaking their spirit, and you want to break their stubbornness but keep their soul alive. 

I had made up my mind that I was going to snap cas back to where she needs to be and it was going to take more than a spanking to get her to come along side me and work together for her better good. I don’t use the word “NEEDS” lightly here. She needs to be submissive, although she fights it. She needs to be humble, it’s in her nature. She needs to follow my lead, even though she can be stubborn. She needs to be my sub. She truly needs these things, at times she doesn’t want it, but she needs it, it is in her soul.

Then as a shock she came to me humbly with eyes cast down and mumbled something to me. I lifted her chin and looked in her eyes and asked her to repeat it. She in a very quiet voice said, “Sir, I am ashamed at the way I am treating you…. Would you please discipline me? I need to be back to where I was.” Inside I was blown away, and beaming with pride. 

I go about discipline in one of two ways. I can either make up my mind on the spot and discipline her spontaneously or I think and pray about what I need to do and seek guidance in advance. Both have their place and needs however, this snap back was too important to rush into it.

For me I believe that discipline requires all of the following qualities to be effective. Discipline (or punishment) needs to be perceived as discipline and not reward. Discipline needs to be applied at the level of the offense (not to much or to little). Disciplines needs to be uncomfortable (or painful) for her, that pain can be emotional, or physical. And most importantly it needs to be fair.
          After seeding guidance I came up with her punishment, now I had the choice to spring it on her (which sometimes I do) or let her know ahead of time. I told her ahead of time just so that she could mentally prepare. She was shocked that I was going to do what I was to her. I told her that her punishment was going to be in three parts. Part one was going to be an intense paddling in the diaper position. She absolutely hates the diaper position, but not as much as she hates the next part. Part two was going to be the insertion of a butt plug while she got a paddling, followed by sitting on the butt plug for 15 minutes. Then part three was praying together. 
          She was humble the night before and kept telling me that she has snapped back and that she does not need the punishment. Well I know that was her nervousness and that if I did not follow through with what I told her that she would revert back to her old behavior in a matter of minutes. I just smiled, reminded her that she even asked for it (which proves that she needs it), patted her on her bottom and informed her that we were going through with this. She pouted and gave me the silent treatment. 
          I am not going to go through the actually punishment, you know what we did. All I know is that the prayer together was very powerful and I felt a connection that we haven’t had felt in a long time.

P.S. I am putting this post up today and may I say that cas’ behavior is amazing. She is back to her old self and it warms my heart that she is soooo respectful and caring. I am so proud of her in so many ways and like I said at the beginning of this post she gives me more than she realizes. She gives me her submission, she gives me her respect, she meets my need to be dominant, she helps me in so many ways that I could fill pages with what she does for me.           

To cas:

Chief [c]

Location, Location, Location

In real estate there is a slogan about the impact of a property sale, “Location, Location, Location.” Well the same is true about behavior. Just like in property, two houses may be the exactly same but the location makes all the difference in cost.

Now cas can get this wild streak in her and when that happens, her behavior gets a bit sassy and she does not listen; stubbornness just flows out of her like a fountain. You can be rest assured I get her back in step quickly when I feel it has gone to far.

But occasionally, (and this is a rare occasion) she will get this wild streak in public. This public behavior increases the consequence of her actions because of "Location, Location, Location"  This behavior is met with a stiffer punishment because of her representing me and because I am mortified with her behavior. Some times she will do this behavior and then realizing that I can not do anything about the behavior will then challenge me by flashing me a look, as if to say, "you can't do anything here, ha ha". Boy does that make my blood boil. 

This last week cas had an melt down in public and again I was pretty livid. I am glad I didn't have the opportunity to take care of it until the next day. This offered me time to cool down so I wouldn't paddle her out of anger. But she did pay more than if she had had that same behavior in private. My hand got quite a workout as she lay draped over my lap, as well as this small OTK cane we have. I trust this one be the last time, but I hope the time she spent over my lap sinks in a bit more than other punishments and she thinks twice before behaving like this in public where her actions both embarrass and reflect on me. 

Chief [c]

Love verses frustration

What I am about to type is stereotype but like most stereotypes they are based on some truth. All men think about is sex, all women like to shop for shoes and clothes. They are not 100 percent true but I am willing to bet that the majority of those two stereotypes are true. With that being said, please don’t beat me up for the following post.


Women are emotional creatures and follow their heart and men think logically  and try to rationalize it and come up with solutions based on the logic behind it (cas and I are pretty close to that template of men and women). Both have their place and both are necessary in different situations. For example: Giving money to a person who needs it, with a strong possibility of it never being repaid would not be a logical thing to do. However, the emotional thing might be right and following your heart in that situation would more than likely be following a Christ like situation in helping meet others needs physically.  

Now cas makes a lot decisions based on emotions and at times it drives me a bit crazy. I try to logically think of things to a logical solution. Now in our relationship I have 51% of the vote and although I cherish her input, I still have the final say (Sometimes that input is harder to listen to when she whines and pleads).

This last week really felt like she took my ideas, tossed them aside and just ran with her own, and the results were disastrous. I know she understands that I want nothing more than her safety and wellbeing, but this week’s results ended with her safety and wellbeing being in jeopardy.  I tell her what to do logically and she thinks her way is better. The results were that she got hurt, almost had her laptop stolen, and lost a lot of money.  So after a talking to (lecture) and some correction (punishment) I believe she and I are on the same wavelength. I pray this will not happen again. 

Chief [c]

My rules for cas

I remember the day that I gave her my basic rules. I scratched them out on a piece of paper while at the park. After I brainstormed the rules I numbered them to what I thought would be my priority. I gave them to cas and she nodded and replied with a “Yes Sir” humbly. The next day she approached me with a huge smile and several pieces of paper. She handed them to me and watched me intently as I read the words she had written. I was blown away. She had taken my rules and explained each one out and included circles showing personal responsibility and responsibility to me and those that overlap between. When a sub submits to her Dom it is the greatest gift a sub can give. She was so eager to give me this gift showing that she had thought about the rules I had placed upon her and took them to heart. A big hug followed me reading them and the words, “I am proud of you cas.” She looked up at me and smiled.


Chief[c]

Anchors Aweigh cont…

As I read cas's entry, it brings me back to that awesome day. The day that she excepted my collar; the day she excepted my guidance and chose to follow my lead; the day she became mine. So with a great deal of pride, here are my vows as well...


Without any trepidation I offer this collar to you. With this collar...

I vow to love you – to put you first before my own needs and wants.

I vow to lead – to step out and be first, to lead by example, to lead us in prayer, and spiritually

I vow to know you and to study you and dwell within you according to that knowledge.

I vow to protect you and to keep you from harm and to make you feel safe

I vow to honor you. To make decisions that bring you honor weather in public or private.

I vow to teach you or guide you. I will do this by being fair, firm and have your best interest in mind. I will do this based on your needs first then wants.

I vow to stay the course, to not stray from you or leave your side.

And lastly I vow to put God first in this relationship. To pray to God, to seek his guidance and to listen. God has given me great responsibilities and I do not take these lightly.

So now with great pride, I offer you this collar. 


Chief[c]