Let me start by saying I struggle with sleep and I tend
to fight it with everything in me, I don’t know why but I do, especially when
Chief is not here.
Chief was gone camping with some buddies this weekend
while I stayed home. Now granted, I don’t have a bedtime on the weekends, but
that still means I need to get to bed at a reasonable hour and attempt to get
some sleep.
The thing is… time got away from me and before I knew it,
the sun was coming up. It was around 6:00 am before I got off the computer and
yes I was very tired. I knew Chief was calling me at 7 to talk on his morning
walk and so I didn’t want to fall asleep before that, so I took a shower to try
to wake myself up.
He called and of course he immediately asked “How did you
sleep?” At first I tried to trick him and answered back with “Well it wasn’t a
good night”, but he was too smart for that and once again asked how I slept. I
was planning on telling him anyways but I was trying to postpone it. I told him
and of course he was pretty upset and rightfully so. I knew I was in trouble
and come Monday I was gonna be hurting.
When I got off of the phone with him I decided to lay
down for a very little bit. This is the part of the post where I need to also
say that I was supposed to work at the zoo today, helping out with a special event.
Because I knew I would sleep hard, I made sure that my phone alarm was not only
near my head so I could feel the vibrations and wake up like normal, but I also
made sure it was actually touching my head. There was no way I would not feel
this and wake up in time.
That was probably true, except for the fact that in my
sleepiness, I set my alarm for pm instead of am. My alarm never went off, and I
never woke up. When I finally did wake, it was way past the time I needed to go
in to work and the event was almost over. I was mortified! I do not miss work
and people were counting on me. I emailed my boss and let her know what happened. Then took a deep breath and texted Chief. I was
somewhat vague but within minutes he called and demanded the whole story.
Let me tell you… if you thought I was in trouble with the
not sleeping thing that is nothing compared to the now combined trouble of
missing work. He was so disappointed in me, I let myself down, him down and
everyone at the zoo down. While on the phone, my boss emails me back telling me
that it is ok, not to worry about it and that these things happen. I was
shocked but grateful. Chief was relieved but in no way calmed by it. He replied
“She may be being nice, but I am not going to” I shuddered.
Nothing he can say can make me feel worse than I already
do, but that doesn’t mean it is not his job to lecture and correct me
regardless, and trust me lecture and correct is what he will do. I cannot believe
I was that irresponsible and immature and I know that whatever punishment I
have coming tomorrow is justified, deserved and needed.
I never want to make that same mistake again and I know that
with Chief’s help I won’t. I know that my bottom is not the only thing that is
going to pay tomorrow. I know that I will have stricter rules set and he will
watch me more carefully and that reassures me of both his love and his care for
me to succeed.
I am truly remorseful and want to change so I will take
this punishment humbly and obediently, even though I am so nervous I can barely
type. Chief I am sorry I disappointed you and I will assure you that this will
never happen again. I know you forgive me but I still need to pay for what I
did and I also need to in time forgive myself. Thank you for loving me in spite
of my irresponsibility and carelessness and for wanting to do everything you
can to help me better myself and succeed. I could not ask for a better friend,
lover or Dom. I am on my knees before you and I love you with all my heart.
~cas[C]
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